Stating the Obvious

One of my MOST FAVORITEST things is when people engage in trivial self evaluation.  I just made that term up, but trust me, it is a real thing.  For example, you'll be talking with someone and they say, "I'm just like this because I'm such a good listener." There are several purposes to statements like these. 1.  the individual is doing a backdoor brag.
2.  the individual wants you to think that they have spent a fair amount of time engaged in objective analysis of themselves.  They then believe that it gives off the appearance that they are smart.

While I will admit that some people are really good at this, like me (you see what I did there?) the vast majority of society is unable to pull this off correctly.

As a glowing example of what I'm talking about let me present the transcript from the other night.  I call it, "The Gas Station: the Chicago Dog Travesty"(the subtitle comes because I was actually tempted for about 2 seconds to purchase a gas station food item.  If I had followed through with this impulse the entire weekend would have been a travesty).

While I was standing at the gas pump filling up James (that is the name of my car) I observed a slovenly dressed couple exit the front door of Buckey's (ugh, in what kind of a terrible neighborhood do I live?). As they stumbled awkwardly towards the gas pumps I noticed that they began to walk towards separate cars, while still engaged in a conversation.  This distance necessitated that they scream...because we all needed to hear this.
Even without the masterful gift of Sherlock Holmes it wasn't hard to notice that the man had clearly been drinking, and that he planned on drinking some more.  He stumbled as he walked, there were stains on his shirt, his speech was slurred, and he was carrying a six pack of beer in one hand.  He yelled to his significant other saying,
"Bobby asked if I wanted to come over the the pit and drink with him.  I don't really want to go because drinking really isn't my thing!"
The girl then replied by saying, "yeah, and I just don't want to drive all the way out there."
"Yeah," he said, "lets just go back and ......."  Fortunately I stopped paying attention, because it was at this point that the gas pumped clicked, signaling to me that  I had just dropped another $75, and it was time to reward myself with some conciliatory ice cream, or hot chocolate(because when one realizes how expensive life is, the only logical thing to do is say, "screw this" and grief spend until one passes out).
To the plastered couple at the gas station.  You aren't fooling anyone. Of course drinking is your thing! The beers in your hand mean that drinking is your thing.  The sway in your gait implies that drinking has been your thing for at least a few hours, and the stains on your clothing imply that it has been your thing--probably constantly--for some time now.

Do me a favor.  The next time you want to share with the world some remarkable gem about how insightful you find yourself to be, or what a gifted athlete you notice you are, or what--fill in the blank--you believe yourself to be, make sure you put in slightly more effort than nothing.  You will do yourself--but more importantly me-- the favor of not needing to hear your inane dribble.

PS.  to all the readers across the world.  I know that it is winter, and some of you are getting pounded by terrible blizzards and ice storms, and I'm sorry.  In good news, there is fog in Omaha. Everywhere. And thick as awesome.  Fog is one of those things that reminds me how much God loves me.  God sent Noah a Rainbow, he sent the Shepherds Angels, and he sends me fog.  just awesome.

oh dreams are weird

Alright, so this is going to be a lengthy, detailed post, and frankly I'm pretty sure I'm going to leave a detail out and so it is going to sound even more odd (and since I don't proofread, it will just be posted the way it is).

Last night I had a dream.  I was sitting with two of the prospects from Sons of Anarchy season 4.  We were told by Jax Teller to keep his wife from watching Glee.  Frankly, this was a terrible assignment because she was totally jonesing to watch Glee.  For whatever reason it was like a drug.  Anyway she ended up watching Glee, which really made SAMCRO angry, so the consequence for failing was to be brutally murdered.

Don't worry, that isn't the end.

I actually woke up, sat up in bed and thought "huh, not I would have expected from a Sons of Anarchy dream."

When I feel back asleep I was a ghost watching the investigation of my horrible murder.  The detective, who in classic television fashion focused only on obscure details.  Instead of questioning SAMCRO the detective decided to follow the lead of some obscure initial carved in the baseboard of a wall.

I don't get it either, but I was super glad.  As a prospect in SAMCRO I did not want this falling back on the club, because, even as a ghost, I was aware that I had failed my job and death was the only way.

Anyway, when I woke up I thought, "HMMMMMM I should go carve a random initial into a baseboard, just in case."

After a glass of water, and some caffeine I thought it might be best not to purposefully throw off the detectives investigating my murder, SAMCRO or no.
In all reality, if I get murdered it is going to be for something awesome, like the cool shoes I just bought on Saturday.  In which case, I want the cops to find the jerk who did this, cause I'm totally going to be buried with these suckers.