I saw a picture the other day that described what happens when a smoker quits. It gave the changes that begin happening at 5 minutes all the way through 20 years. It was pretty impressive.
To my knowledge there is no such meme for eardrums. I believe this to be, not an oversight of the internet community, but simply because eardrums don't regrow themselves as the cilia in ones bronchial tubes. shocker.
That being said, I find it unsettling how much abuse we put our bodies through.
I am currently in the library, attempting to focus on a paper arguing about the flaws in someone's theory (Northrop Frye, let me just apologize. You are a very smart person, and I generally like everything you say, and I think you probably know more about it than I do. However, I have to take a position and argue against it. that is the assignment.) and the kid in the cubicle next to me has his headphones jammed into his ears, and yet the soccer commentary is noticeable several cubicles around. His poor ears. He might as well not even use the headphones, and just plug in some speakers, because that is all that is happening.
as a side note, some girl is chewing gum so loudly that I can actually hear her smacking over the pleasant sounds of Vivaldi. I guess they don't teach library etiquette at the public school level. Good thing I've had just shy of a decade of private education. Wow, that makes me sound like a terrible person.
Monday, February 18, 2013
Bats
We have bats in our building. Some of you might not think that this is such a big deal. To you I say, "well I guess you've never seen a bat!" At that accusation you'll probably admit that you haven't, and should probably just let me keep my opinions.
To start with, bats combine the three worst phobias of all time.
1. things flying at my face.
Don't as me to explain it any more, just know that if something is moving towards my face at all (even a towel, or plush stuffed animal) I freak out like Goerge Michael on Arrested Development.
2. rodents.
Rodents aren't really the problem by themselves. Mice and rats don't creep me out the way that bats do. I think the wings give it an added fear element. Sharks don't scare me, it is the thought of sharks getting fancy-people-tracking devices that scare me. Bats have teeth and wings, which pretty much means that they were designed to just hunt people. Or eagles.
3. I had a third, but forgot it. Lets go with the hunting eagles thing.
For those of you who don't know, or haven't watched Jurassic Park in a while. Bats are like the Velociraptors of the animal kingdom. They hunt in packs,
We had a bat flying through our building the other day, and let me just tell you that it struck fear in me, all the way to my core. 1 bat doesn't just mean 1 bat. It means a herd of Bats (geese have gaggles, bats have herds). For whatever reason I went out into the hall, and was slightly nominated to locate the bat. He ended up flying right towards me (fear number 1) which meant that I had to dodge its attack like a ninja. It swerved like it was anticipating my move, and then swerved again. Each time I dodged, this predator shifted its attack. At this point I was struck with the fear of a fat child in gym class, who just realized that the only reason he is the last one in the game is because all the jocks decided telepathically to save him until the very end. At that point, regardless of where he moves he will inevitably walk away with more bruises on his body than (insert inappropriate reference here).
While this experience has cause a small arrhythmia to occur each time I go to work, the worst part is that our mailman apparently saw the bat earlier in the day, and instead of calling public safety to have it taken care of, he just ignored it.
To start with, bats combine the three worst phobias of all time.
1. things flying at my face.
Don't as me to explain it any more, just know that if something is moving towards my face at all (even a towel, or plush stuffed animal) I freak out like Goerge Michael on Arrested Development.
2. rodents.
Rodents aren't really the problem by themselves. Mice and rats don't creep me out the way that bats do. I think the wings give it an added fear element. Sharks don't scare me, it is the thought of sharks getting fancy-people-tracking devices that scare me. Bats have teeth and wings, which pretty much means that they were designed to just hunt people. Or eagles.
3. I had a third, but forgot it. Lets go with the hunting eagles thing.
For those of you who don't know, or haven't watched Jurassic Park in a while. Bats are like the Velociraptors of the animal kingdom. They hunt in packs,
We had a bat flying through our building the other day, and let me just tell you that it struck fear in me, all the way to my core. 1 bat doesn't just mean 1 bat. It means a herd of Bats (geese have gaggles, bats have herds). For whatever reason I went out into the hall, and was slightly nominated to locate the bat. He ended up flying right towards me (fear number 1) which meant that I had to dodge its attack like a ninja. It swerved like it was anticipating my move, and then swerved again. Each time I dodged, this predator shifted its attack. At this point I was struck with the fear of a fat child in gym class, who just realized that the only reason he is the last one in the game is because all the jocks decided telepathically to save him until the very end. At that point, regardless of where he moves he will inevitably walk away with more bruises on his body than (insert inappropriate reference here).
While this experience has cause a small arrhythmia to occur each time I go to work, the worst part is that our mailman apparently saw the bat earlier in the day, and instead of calling public safety to have it taken care of, he just ignored it.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Happy Lent
Is that the appropriate salutation? I don't know. Does one say Happy Lent, good luck this coming Lent, or hope your survive Lent? To be honest, I guess it depends on ones sacrifice.
I had a teacher who decided to give up coffee for lent. I'm pretty sure that the ash was still fresh on her forehead when she guzzled the first coffee. She was in a pretty bad mood that morning, like an addict twitching on a street corner waiting for the next score (Trust me, I'm not kidding when I say that she was Messed. Up.).
Anyway. That initial introduction to Lent didn't help much. I thought, "why do people do this if it is just going to make them terrible people?" I realized much later that being more terrible is not the purpose of Lent.
To be honest, I can't give you a full doctrinal treatise of Lent. My knowledge of it is that it corresponds to the 40 days before Easter, and is symbolic of Christ's 40 day fast in the wilderness. I think ideally one is supposed to give up the item forever, but 40 days works.
For the past few years I've given up Facebook.
I know that sounds silly, but facebook is often the source of all my problems.
Think of why we use Facebook.
1. our newsfeed--we want to see what other people are doing. None of it is ever very important, but we want to fill our lives with knowledge of their comings and goings.
2. we want to show up in the news feeds of others. We want them to see our happy pictures, our fun dinners, notice what games we've played, what other fun, sexy individuals we hang out with etc. Or we want to feel sad and get sympathy by vague-booking, or posting super self-deprecating statuses.
Both of these reasons are totally vain. They are also total lies, and mostly are just meant to further our own egos.
Also, we waste so much time. instead of living life we scroll through the mundane events of others, who, in turn are also scrolling.
3. facebook stalking. I'll admit it, and each of you will admit it as well. We get on facebook to look at the people we don't like. We want to see who is fat, who got the wrong haircut, whose children are ugly, whose life is in shambles, etc, etc.
We do this to make ourselves feel better about how little we've done.
If I could order food through Facebook I'm pretty sure that I could commit EVERY cardinal sin, all seven.
For me, giving up facebook means that I'm going to have more time to do homework, serve, go to church, and just generally have more time.
It means I won't have an outlet to get jealous. I won't get to see that person X has better abs than I do, or that person W has better hair, or that person Y has better relationships. It's all lies, but now I don't need to try and remind myself of that.
It means that I won't be prideful. Lots of people don't realize how stupid their facebook accounts make them look. without a facebook I won't get to mercilessly judge people, and then vent about it. This is the hardest for me. nothing is more fun than posting about what train-wrecks other people are.
Anyway. I hope that whatever you decide to give up proves to be successful, and helps you to find more peace in your life. Good luck, stay strong, and I guess get ready for WAAAAAAAAY more regular updates on here. If I can't waste time with Facebook, I've got to blow off steam somehow.
I had a teacher who decided to give up coffee for lent. I'm pretty sure that the ash was still fresh on her forehead when she guzzled the first coffee. She was in a pretty bad mood that morning, like an addict twitching on a street corner waiting for the next score (Trust me, I'm not kidding when I say that she was Messed. Up.).
Anyway. That initial introduction to Lent didn't help much. I thought, "why do people do this if it is just going to make them terrible people?" I realized much later that being more terrible is not the purpose of Lent.
To be honest, I can't give you a full doctrinal treatise of Lent. My knowledge of it is that it corresponds to the 40 days before Easter, and is symbolic of Christ's 40 day fast in the wilderness. I think ideally one is supposed to give up the item forever, but 40 days works.
For the past few years I've given up Facebook.
I know that sounds silly, but facebook is often the source of all my problems.
Think of why we use Facebook.
1. our newsfeed--we want to see what other people are doing. None of it is ever very important, but we want to fill our lives with knowledge of their comings and goings.
2. we want to show up in the news feeds of others. We want them to see our happy pictures, our fun dinners, notice what games we've played, what other fun, sexy individuals we hang out with etc. Or we want to feel sad and get sympathy by vague-booking, or posting super self-deprecating statuses.
Both of these reasons are totally vain. They are also total lies, and mostly are just meant to further our own egos.
Also, we waste so much time. instead of living life we scroll through the mundane events of others, who, in turn are also scrolling.
3. facebook stalking. I'll admit it, and each of you will admit it as well. We get on facebook to look at the people we don't like. We want to see who is fat, who got the wrong haircut, whose children are ugly, whose life is in shambles, etc, etc.
We do this to make ourselves feel better about how little we've done.
If I could order food through Facebook I'm pretty sure that I could commit EVERY cardinal sin, all seven.
For me, giving up facebook means that I'm going to have more time to do homework, serve, go to church, and just generally have more time.
It means I won't have an outlet to get jealous. I won't get to see that person X has better abs than I do, or that person W has better hair, or that person Y has better relationships. It's all lies, but now I don't need to try and remind myself of that.
It means that I won't be prideful. Lots of people don't realize how stupid their facebook accounts make them look. without a facebook I won't get to mercilessly judge people, and then vent about it. This is the hardest for me. nothing is more fun than posting about what train-wrecks other people are.
Anyway. I hope that whatever you decide to give up proves to be successful, and helps you to find more peace in your life. Good luck, stay strong, and I guess get ready for WAAAAAAAAY more regular updates on here. If I can't waste time with Facebook, I've got to blow off steam somehow.
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