The Journey

This might be one of the most personal posts I've put up here. I decided though, that I was going to post about my experiences in Omaha. I feel it would be lying to myself and to my readers if I only published the funny things while omitting the more serious or personal observations.

So this video is from a song that I love. I heard it a little over two years ago, and since then it has been the song with which I end my jog, always sprinting to my final goal with the beat of the music. The video itself is a little terrifying--so Happy Halloween--but the message is really inspiring, reminding me that everyone falls, but it is the getting back up and giving it another go that is important. Trust me, this will tie in with the main subject of my post tonight.

I was reading come critical theory today and came to Russian Formalism. This is a broad theory, but the one author was talking about the similar streams found in all folktales; things such as the maiden in distress, the king, the hut, the old crone, and the quest.

The Quest is this trope where our hero goes off to accomplish something and then return (or in some instances not return) to be the triumphant Hero we now him (or her) as today.

On this quest, our protagonist needs to go through certain changes. Ulysses can't rescue his wife if he hasn't learned a few things first. Gawain leaves camelot a cocky little jerk, but comes back a wiser, humble knight.

I think this is such an appealing trope, not because it is cute, or convenient, or you-fill-in-the-blank, but because it is the most like real life. Everything we do is a journey or a quest after something. Think back at your life for a minute, at least I can clearly see it in mine.

When you go on vacation, what clothes do you pack? Or, what clothes do you buy on vacation?

When you go to a job interview, how do you dress?

When you go on a date, how do you act?

The answer to all of these questions is probably that you do things different from what you would have normally. On vacation we wear clothes that we normally wouldn't, we buy sandals or shorts that we won't wear again. At the job interview we comb our hair a certain way because it presents a certain image. On our date we do things we don't normally do because we want it to be a success.

All of this shows that we are on a journey. We buy these different clothes on vacation because we want to feel like we are someone else. We dress a certain way for the job interview because we want to present to the employer someone that we might not be regularly. On the date we might not always eat food so slowly, but we do it because we want to leave a good impression.

It isn't that we are lying, or trying to be deceitful, we are just trying to present something that we want to be when we hit the end of the story.

I'm thinking about all the different Journeys that I'm on, or that I've been on. Moving to Omaha was a Journey--IS a journey. The entire drive over I thought to myself, "well I'm going to change from the mistakes I've made before. I'm not going to mess up this time, like I did in the past. This is a chance for me to completely revolutionize myself." There have been plenty of things that I've regretted doing/not doing. I've had countless roommates, and even more acquaintances that I've ruined. I know that I've ruined them. I can be a real jerk to live with. you'll have a clean house, but you might not like me afterward because I'm so particular. This is just one aspect of this journey. Lets see, some of the others are:

I hated having a teacher tell me that I just wouldn't make a good teacher. I decided I was going to be a better student in order to prove her wrong.

I've always hated not being in shape. Body image is something I get so stressed about, and even though I've always worked out I've never looked the way I wanted to, so I decided that I was going to change that.

I've hated that I've only kissed one girl, and that I got turned down for more dates then I can even count. So I decided that I was going to find me a nice girl, and have a relationship, and then maybe break up and have one or ten more.

I've hated that I somehow managed to ruin friendships with roommates because of petty issues, so I decided that I was going to try and serve.

Journeys aren't fun! They take a lot of work, and even more patience, and most of the time I don't have the patience to work till the end. I was telling B that I was frustrated that I felt like I was giving so much effort to working out, and I wasn't seeing results. I had a real pathetic moment in the gym where I almost dropped the weight on my head because it was just too heavy, but I was so fed up with not being as in-shape as the other guys, that I wanted to just keep going even if it meant dropping the weight through my skull. I hate feeling like I put hours and hours in for homework, and still it doesn't make any difference on my test scores.

I probably could go on and on, but i won't. The fact is this is a journey. I'm the protagonist, and I accepted a HUGE challenge. Although it is rough, and a lot of work, it isn't all bad. Gawain had small victories along the way. I've had small ones as well. I might not have done as well on my test as I feel I deserved, but my paper is polished to perfection, and I'm submitting it to a conference tomorrow. I'm back up to running a really long way, and I might not be at my target weight yet, but I'm still losing. . . slowly. I might not be the best roommate, but at least as far as I can tell I haven't made anyone want to move away, or have me move out of the house.

The Journey isn't over. It really is just still at the beginning. If I were Gawain I would still be able to see Camelot. If I were Ulysses I would still be standing on the beach of Troy.

I'd like to issue a challenge. I don't care if you even let me know, but what is your journey? Figure it out, and don't avoid it. face it head on and just go.