The Patron Saint of Gyms

Did you know that today is the day of St. William?  He is the patron saint of gym goers.  He has a truly remarkable story.
It was on this day 200 years ago that St. William decided to go to the gym.  Now, a lot of people will tell you that the miracle stops there, because he was more of the scholastic type and, like Paul the Apostle felt that bodily exercise was overrated.  For many practitioners this is where the story ends, simply because it is fantastic enough that he went to the gym, and that such a simple action was enough to get him canonized.  However,  such an assumption shows a lack of faith in St. William as his story gets even better.  While doing the bench press he uttered this simple prayer,

"Oh God, please let me accomplish 2 reps at 165"  

His spotter heard this, and took it to mean that St. William didn't need any help.  Typical with most bench press experiences, his elbows, shaking from the stress of the weight, buckled inversely and the 45lb bar, descending with the speed of an african swallow, decapitated him.  It was only a 45lb bar because his shaking was so furious that it actually wiggled the plates free of the bar, forcing them to fall to the ground with a thud much akin to a timpani.

His head rolled to the ground, and to the shock of all the other attendees still mumbled the simple prayer over and over.  That isn't even the weird part, because someone once said that Mary Tudor, on her beheading, was still mumbling too.  Apparently that is the thing to do, and for your decapitation to have any lasting effect you've got to keep mumbling once it is over.  note to self.

The miracle occurred when his body, then headless, jumped up from the bench, knocked out ten pushups, one pull-up, and ran for six miles before collapsing in a heap in the library at the University he was attending in the German city of Hubschrauberlandplatz.  This heap was of course tidy, and well groomed because despite being headless he still had a sense of decorum (this means he stretched, showered and got dressed, all without a head on his body).  His head was put on display in the gym, where the uncharacteristically humid climate--seriously people stop breathing so hard--forced his head to decay faster than anticipated.  His body remained in the library, well preserved, for decades.  That is, until one attentive librarian noticed he had been there for far longer than it actually took at complete a bachelor's degree.  She walked over to the body and discovered that it had carved the prayer into the desk he was sitting at.
This desk became a pilgrimage spot, and was way better attended than any other.  

To this day St. William watches over those who attempt to reach his coveted 2 reps at 165.  Certainly he must have been helping me in the gym, but I think he must have been distracted...maybe texting, or watching a recap of the Giants' win last night, because he was not paying very much attention to my strugglings, even though I uttered that prayer like a boss the whole time.